Today, I am adding the first article by a guest contributor, my good friend Jess, who hopefully will write some more posts as this is brilliant. She hates M Night bananarama, just read and see:
I never thought a film could ruin my day; I am in such a foul mood after watching The Happening I’ve resorted to watching Jermaine Stewart music videos to cheer myself up…yes the film sucks THAT much.
I would like to point out I didn’t really chose to go see The Happening my friends were going and as I wasn’t doing anything I joined them – possibly the singular worst mistake of my life so far…yes the film sucks THAT much. It was worse than 28 Weeks Later, and that was bad but at least I got a free margarita out of that film.
I don’t actually know where to begin describing what was wrong with The Happening, the first scene was promising, people committing suicide around New York but then it cut to Philadelphia and Mark Wahlberg (yes him of such classic film delights as The Perfect Storm (Shit) Planet of the Apes remake (shit) The Italian Job remake (Shit) and I Heart Huckabees (Reportedly shit) as a Science teacher (seriously) talking to his class about the disappearance of bees. That’s right Mark Wahlberg – Science teacher – Bees. Two people actually excited the theatre during that scene and now I so wish I’d joined them.
Wahlberg is then called out of his class by the principle to be told, along with the rest of the teachers, that there is a suspected terrorist attack in New York. Straight Away his friends a-panicking and they’re on the next train outta Philly. Along with his wife (Played by the delightful but woefully miscast Zooey Deschanel), also in tow is Wahlberg’s mates little Girl, Jesse who thankfully is not given many lines.
Reliving the film is making me want to kill myself…maybe this was M. Night shamalamamamama aim. Basically to cut a stupid plot short – The Plants did it!
Also the plants can control the wind…go figure.
Thankfully our trio of hero’s survive – as if there was any doubt in that!
I can’t write about this film anymore it’s that bad. Just don’t go see it, or rent it, or watch it on TV EVER. It WILL ruin your day.
Jessticles
1 comments:
haha that was one of the most stupid scenes of the movies. The Plants have just made all these people a few yards away kill themselves cause they released chemicals so they all stand about outside and with windows down looking - Plot hole!
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