RIP George Carlin

Today we lost a great comedian and critical thinker.





RIP

Awesome

The Great Office War


He Said It First


Skinny Puppy - Smothered Hope


Tomorrow I have a job interview, so maybe I'll have more to do with my time, than just watching 80s movies and writing on this. I have been playing a shitload of drums as well. I am in no position to complain.

ATM I am listening to -
Skinny Puppy - Cleanse, Fold and Manipulate
Alkaline Trio - Agony and Irony
The Ghost of a Thousand - This Is Where The Fight Begins
Ghost Busters OST
Cannibal Holocaust OST
Cannibal Ferox OST

I am watching -
My Name is Earl
Chopper
Ghoulies
Mythbusters

Loose Change

This is a subject I have been wanting to write about on here since I got bored enough to start it. That subject is the superb documentary Loose Change and the theories surrounding 9/11 being a terrorist attack, that was not orchestrated by Osama Bin Laden, but the American Government.

Now, I can imagine that you're thinking that I am some mad conspiracy theorist, or that this is a crazy, no real evidence conspiracy theories, like David Icke's lizard people, but I can assure you it is not. Although I am vehemently anti Bush, I am NOT anti America, nor am I a crazed conspiracy theorist.

It is very hard to think about evil or the like on such a large scale, but as I've mentioned before on this blog, most people don't even think beyond their TVs and Happy Hours, but if everyone at least entertained these thoughts, then we could be in a very different situation, politically and personally.

"Loose Change" is not like Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11", which bring up some very interesting information, but ultimately becomes sentimental and unstructured, "Loose Change" is not sentimental, is not trivial and is structured very well. Plus "Loose Change" is free to watch for everyone. That's right, FREE.

Here is the trailer:



And here is the FULL MOVIE for FREE!!!!




If you do have some spare time then please watch the film, it is very entertaining as well as incredible informative and enlightening. This is probably the most important documentary ever made. I means this, hand on heart.

As the film states, there are A LOT of unanswered questions surrounding 9/11 and if the Bush administration doesn't have anything to hide then why can't they answer a few questions?



ATM I am listening to -
Alkaline Trio - Agony And Irony (its really fucking good!)
Alexisonfire - Watch Out
The Dillinger Escape Plan - S/T
Converge - No Heroes

I am watching -
My Name Is Earl
Total Recall
Platoon

Like most people of my age, and indeed of other ages, I watch a lot of comedy shows, ranging from sitcoms like Peep Show and The Inbetweeners, to cartoons like Family Guy and South Park, and also a lot of stand up, like Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor and Lee Evens, and not to forget panel shows such as QI and Never Mind The Buzzcocks. One things that strikes me with the most of these shows are that they seem to be the only critical voice in current society that reaches a large audience. As some evidences of this I present the following clips:

The Daily Show with John Stuart:


The Simpsons:


South Park:


Peep Show:


Never Mind The Buzzcocks:


Bill Hicks:



This is not something new though. Comedy has been able to sneak these things in, under the radar, as it is seen as nonthreatening or that its intentions are seen as less serious because it is of a comic nature, as existed with Bunuel's Surrealist films of the 40s. Also, it may seem as if I am suggesting that comedy is the only medium which casts a critical eye on society, but this is not true. Music, film and other genre's of television also cast a critical, but they are often a niche genre or a part of a subculture in which the majority of society would never even think to seek out, let alone stumble onto. That is why comedy can sometimes feel like the last bastion of critical thinking in mainstream society.

I urge you to be critical of the world around you, question everything, and think about the repercussions of your actions, however minute they may be. Although now it may seem like very little matters, and although apathy seems like an easier option, and in the short term it is, in the long term it just causes problems, and you and others will pay for it. Look at the apathy of many of the world's nations, and German citizens themselves, surrounding the Holocaust, but still genocide and other preventable evils exist, and it is not because people haven't learnt, it is that they a CHOOSING not to learn. Please seek out the truth and keep an open mind.


ATM I am listening to -
The Ghost of a Thousand - This is Where the Fight Begins
Gallows - Orchestra of Wolves
Your Demise - You Only Make Us Stronger

I am watching -
My Name is Earl
The Simpsons
Malcolm in the Middle

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Coldplay are plagarists.

So, as you know, I fucking hate Coldplay, and in one of the previous items I wrote I pointed out that lack of being able to write their own melodies, anymore. Well, with the release of their latest shit sandwich even more unoriginality has popped up, included straight out plagiarism:



Fucking shocking.

Luckily, the media have picked up on this one, The Independent has an article on it here. As they state in the article, it would most likely be unsuccessful if Mr Small Time tried to sue Coldplay, who would probably use OJ Simpson's lawyer anyway, as they are so large and grossly rich. Kill yourself Chris Martin, do it...

Britain is the World's biggers arms dealer

The Times Online has today reported that Britain, NOT America, is the worlds largest arms exported:

"London Britain was the world’s biggest arms seller last year, accounting for a third of global arms exports, the Government’s trade promotion organisation said.

UK Trade and Investment (UKTI) said that arms exporters had added £9.7 billion in new business last year, giving them a larger share of global arms exports than the United States.

“As demonstrated by this outstanding export performance, the UK has a first-class defence industry, with some of the world’s most technologically sophisticated companies,” Digby Jones, the Minister for Trade and Investment, said.

UKTI said that the figures were boosted by orders for Eurofighter Typhoon jets from Saudi Arabia, the world’s biggest arms buyer, which has imported $31 billion (£16 million) in weapons over the past five years. There were also orders from Oman and Trinidad and Tobago for offshore patrol vessels.

The US is still the world’s biggest exporter over the past five years, with $63 billion in total arms exports. Britain was second with $53 billion and Russia third with $33 billion. "

This is shocking. Our government is horrible hypocritical with its messages and policies. What a fucking joke. Promoting world peace my fucking arse. And what makes this situation worse is that the majority of people in this country are so fucking apathetic and easily entertained, that they probably wont even hear this news, because they are glued to fucking Big Brother.

PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE FUCKING SAND.

Bad Movies Ruin The Environment

Today, I am adding the first article by a guest contributor, my good friend Jess, who hopefully will write some more posts as this is brilliant. She hates M Night bananarama, just read and see:

I never thought a film could ruin my day; I am in such a foul mood after watching The Happening I’ve resorted to watching Jermaine Stewart music videos to cheer myself up…yes the film sucks THAT much.

I would like to point out I didn’t really chose to go see The Happening my friends were going and as I wasn’t doing anything I joined them – possibly the singular worst mistake of my life so far…yes the film sucks THAT much. It was worse than 28 Weeks Later, and that was bad but at least I got a free margarita out of that film.

I don’t actually know where to begin describing what was wrong with The Happening, the first scene was promising, people committing suicide around New York but then it cut to Philadelphia and Mark Wahlberg (yes him of such classic film delights as The Perfect Storm (Shit) Planet of the Apes remake (shit) The Italian Job remake (Shit) and I Heart Huckabees (Reportedly shit) as a Science teacher (seriously) talking to his class about the disappearance of bees. That’s right Mark Wahlberg – Science teacher – Bees. Two people actually excited the theatre during that scene and now I so wish I’d joined them.

Wahlberg is then called out of his class by the principle to be told, along with the rest of the teachers, that there is a suspected terrorist attack in New York. Straight Away his friends a-panicking and they’re on the next train outta Philly. Along with his wife (Played by the delightful but woefully miscast Zooey Deschanel), also in tow is Wahlberg’s mates little Girl, Jesse who thankfully is not given many lines.

Reliving the film is making me want to kill myself…maybe this was M. Night shamalamamamama aim. Basically to cut a stupid plot short – The Plants did it!

Also the plants can control the wind…go figure.

Thankfully our trio of hero’s survive – as if there was any doubt in that!

I can’t write about this film anymore it’s that bad. Just don’t go see it, or rent it, or watch it on TV EVER. It WILL ruin your day.

Jessticles

First time high and room mates confessions

As I am STILL unemployed, I have spent even MORE time pointlessly browsing different chans and websites. I have settled on 420chan because the drug discussion is enlightening to say the least, and its doesn't have cp on like 4chan does, occasionally.

One of the threads that I was going through, which is fucking hysterical, is people drawing there first time high in MS paint, pure fucking comedy. Here are my favourites:



















For anyone who has ever got incredibly baked, I'm sure you can relate to most of these cartoons.

Also, in my jobless days, I have been frequenting CollegeHumour a fantastic website, which, as the name suggests, is mainly about humour relating to either college, or people of that age group... US! They have a weekly feature called "Roommate Confessions" where people can email in confessions surrounding their roommates, and the best ones get posted up. Some of these are soooo fucking funny, that I have been in fits of laughter, holding my sides. Here's a little selection of them:


"I have two roommates this year. So, one of my roommates boasts about his brains excessively, and that he doesn't really deserve to be at such a "lowly school" like here, though my other roommate and I don't really see why, since he completely bombs every test he takes. But anyway, one day my roommate and I got fed up with it. In our writing class, there's three essays, the second one worth 35 percent of our grade. So the day the essay is due, there roommate A goes, bragging about how great his essay is, and he says he's going to turn it in one hour early because he's so confident in it. He then proceeds to print out his essay, and put it in his binder. He then goes to the shower. And this is where roommate B and I take action. We go on his computer, find his essay, and use the find and replace function to replace "because" with "cause I give blowjobs for crack." We print it out, replace the real essay with the sabatoged one, and wait for him to come back and leave. The next week, we get our essays back. I look at his returned copy, and in red ink, the instructor wrote "It is obvious you do not possess the effort needed to complete this course. Furthermore, your rudeness and blatant lack of respect for me will almost certainly result in an F in this course if you do not have a sincere apology and extremely compelling reason as to why I should not." Instead of trying to actually do something about it, he drops the course. He's now taking it again, with a different instructor. He wouldn't talk to us for weeks.
University of California, San Diego"

"My roommate was one of those preachy christian kids who is a total hypocrite. He would come out and lecture us on the evils of drinking and porno and all that, but then we'd hear him in his room watching softcore porn on skinemax most nights. So, one night we hid a video camera in the room and caught him whacking it; instead of confronting him and getting short-term pleasure, we burned it to a DVD and mailed it to his mom.
Marc, School Not Given"

"Last year a big group of us would go to at least one baseball game every week. We would always bring mini grills and make hot dogs and burgers during the game, it was a great time. Well we had about 4 grills going, and as the hot dogs got done, we would put then in buns with ketchup and just pass them down. I noticed a pretty fresh dog shit nearby, and decided to go for it. I covertly went over and picked it up with a bun, it was the exact same size as a hot dog, and was close to the same color. I made sure to put a good amount of ketchup on it to cover up the fact that it was clearly a piece of poo, and to mask the smell. I told a few of my buddies around me, and we watched as it got passed down the line. By sheer luck, it went to this one creepy guy, who would always try and hang out with us at the games. He took a massive bite of the dog. For a few seconds the look on his face was of sheer terror, then he spit it out and ran away screaming. We all fell to the ground laughing our asses off...he never tried to hang out with us again.
Mike, Southwest Minnesota State"

There are a lot of them, I'd really recommend reading through them if you have the time, because they are fantastic.

Also today, I completed Super Mario Brothers 1!!!!! I nearly cried when I did it. Years of pain and severe irritation have paid off, kind of... Plus Busy, my new pup, has discovered that the best game to play, around the house, is to bite your feet as you're walking around, and to chew cables. Silly pup.

I cannot believe that the new "Incredible Hulk" film even exists, considering how fucking terrible the last one was, let alone that Edward "I am fucking amazing in almost every film I'm in, apart from stupid shit I do for money" Norton, and Tim "I just fucking rule" Roth. WHY are brilliant actors, some of which have defined a generation of films and actors, allowing themselves to be in films which are so fucking vacuous and meaningless that even the script wanted to commit suicide.

Usually it appears to happen with age. Robert De Niro is a perfect example of this. "Taxi Driver" is one of the greatest character films EVER made, no argument. Without De Niro's performance, "Taxi Driver" would cease to exist. And then the spaghetti scoffing Italian goes on to be in shit like the "Meet the ____" series of films, and fucking "Star Dust", WHAT THE FUCK! STAR DUST! OH MY FUCKING GOD! Note to De Niro, you fucking rule, you are a badass, you should play mentalists, or Italian mentalists, not GAY PIRATES! I have no problem with Homosexuality, or Pirates, in fact, both are awesome, but it ROBERT DEfuckingNIRO! Jack Nicholson is another era defining actors who has gone on to make some of the shittiest films one can think of. "Something's Gotta Give", give me a fucking break. And don't forgot poor Dustin Hoffman... *sigh*.

Although, Sadly, this is something that we have come to expect from older actors, it rarely happens with the newer crop, and that is what makes it soo sad with Edward Norton, the man is an AMAZING actor. His performances in "American History X" and "Fight Club" are astonishing. Another fantastic actor which has fallen to the mercy of fat juicy corporate pay checks is Brad Pitt, and for that matter, Leonardo DiCaprio. And if you think that DiCaprio is a bad actor then go and watch "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" and tell me what you think, dickhead. Well, at least we still have Jake Gyllenhall, even if he does take it up the bum in the woods, from a dead guy.

And now, a few videos you might find entertaining -








ATM I am listening to -
Ministry - The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste
Ministry - The Land of Rape and Honey
Alexisonfire - Watch Out!
Cutting Pink With Knives - Populuxxe
The Ghost of a Thousand - This is Where The Fight Begins
Gallows - Orchestra of Wolves
Botch - We Are The Romans
Botch - Anthology of Dead Ends

Found myself in a Cancer Bats pic!

While I was looking for pics from the Cancer Bats show in Cambridge, I found this:



The blond kid with fist in the air and white T-shirt is me! The funny thing is, this must have been one of the rare occasions that I wasn't right in the singers face, wish I had one of those pics!


ATM

I am listening to -
Cancer Bats - Hail Destroyer
Converge - Jane Doe
Converge - You Fail Me

I am watching -
Se7en
Futurama

Perfection?

I just witnessed this, and it couldn't wait. This has to be shown to the world.



Perfection?


I think so...

New puppy and internet awesomeness!

Today we got our new puppy, her name is Buzy (like bizzee rascal) and she's awesome, really awesome. She is the most social and bounciest puppy eva!







I still done very little unpacking. In fact, the only unpacking I have done, is to set up my drum kit and this:



This is my mac based media centre. Ive got most of music on it, and all my downloaded pr0n and other movies, and spend all day watching shizzle on it. And because I am an uber nerd, I can control it with my laptop through VNC. I rule soo much it hurts.


I have spent far too much time on 4chan.org recently. Its funny, but at the same time its really not. It is humour that only exists inside of the internet, and doesn't really work in the real world. It gives you things like this:



and this:



Its pretty funny really. Hate me... Plus the dad did it.

I am still job hunting, which is lame, but I NEED money. But, not having a job means that i can find random awesomeness like this:



Isn't that just one of the most awesome pictures ever. I can hear people agreeing as I type...

I have recently been listening to a lot of nine inch nails, and I read something today that reminded me to remind you, the readers (if I have any) that you can download NIN's latest album for FREE from here

Contrary to popular belief, nin are not just some screamy slipknot band, in fact they are quite the opposite. I think that many more people would like them if they actually give them a go. So why don't you go to that site now and download it, what have you got to loose; nothing. What could you gain; EVERYTHING!

I have also been listening to a lot of Pig Destroyer. They are fucking brutal, but fucking awesome. Unlike NIN, I doubt many people who haven't heard of them would actually like them at all, but they rule. Check this out:




Please comment me, I like hearing feedback.

Now, off to watch Rambo IV.

ATM -
I am listening to:
Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I - IV
Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile
Pig Destroyer - Terrifyer
El-P - I'll Sleep When You're Dead
Easy Star All-Stars - Dub Side of the Moon

I am watching -
Robot Chicken
Ross Kemp on Gangs
The IT Crowd

i can has cheez burger?

We've got new kittens! They are gonna be barn cats that hunt rats and mice and shizzle. I'm imagining that they are going to grow up to be the cat versions of Rambo, but a Double Team! Watch out rulers of the Rat, Mice and Vermin world, the Rambo Double team are on their way, to kill your kind! As they are going to grow to be like Rambo, I've suggested the name Sylvester and Stallone, but Mum wont let us. We'll win, don't worry.

5 movies which I expected to be lame but were awesome

It seems as if I may be stuck in writing these things in lists, but its easier that way.

This post will be 5 movies which I really expected to suck, and avoided them because of it, whether it be the title of the films, or the trailers were shit, or something else was crappy about the films marketing. But as this list proves, I probably shouldn't be so quick to judge a film by the title, as some of the films I'm listing are now some my personal faves.

5. 10 Things I Hate About You -


I do like a well made, very and offensive teen film. One that shows Teens as close to real teens as possible, and i think that's why American Pie did well, because it does remind you of a lot of people and situations that we all know. But unfortunately, studios realised that they could churn out substandard teen movies for cheap and just about make profit on it, with cheap "gross out" jokes and nudity, and this is what I expected from "10 things...". Like many of the films on this list I saw on Sky Movies when I had nothing better to do, and its great! It has a really great story, courtesy of Shakespeare's "The Taming of the Shrew", is genuinely funny, and is well written. I like this film so much, that even bought the DVD, fair enough, it was only for £3, but I fucking bought it! And this clip is still great:



4. Smoking Aces -



I watched the abomination of a film called "Lucky Number Slevin" a year or so ago, and it was soooooo bad, that I wanted to take a shit, just so I could see a lump of shit that isn't pretending to be anything else but shit, just pure shit. It left such a bad effect on me, that I avoided any film that I thought even looked similar, in any way, to it. So I avoided "Smokin' Aces". I also stayed out of its way because, judging by the title, it has a fear of the letter "G", and looked like a cliched, big budget, badly scripted action film, and it has Ben Affleck "starring" in it, who is one of the most infuriating and worst actors in film history.

However! despite the affliction of Ben Asslick and lack of "G"s it is a solid, slick and fun action film. Every so often you need to sit down and turn your brain off for a while and watch something that is just plain entertainment. The film equivalent of a good burger and chips.

"Smokin' Aces" has a really good cast, with some fantastic characters, and more explosions and cool cinematography than you can shake a stick at. Its funny, sad and it has Ben Asslick being killed! What more could you want!

Here's the trailer:



3. Dawn of the Dead (2004) -



I am a HUGE fan of George A. Romero's original Dawn of the Dead made in 1978. It is the best zombie film ever made, bar none. I has the humour, the script, the performances, the gore and the message. IT IS PERFECT. So when I found out that they had done a remake of it, I was pissed off... really pissed of. I just thought it was completely unnecessary, and that they would just fuck up the whole point of the original. But then one night, I found myself at a friends house, and the majority wanted it on, I thought "I'll give it a go" and I'm glad I did!

I was right in my assumption that it would not be a patch on the original, but I was pleasantly surprised by the level of gore and violence, which is very high, the zombies themselves and the performances put in. It doesn't make you think at all, and unlike the original which has an overall theme/message of consumerism, the remake barely touches at this theme, or really any subversive or undercurrent theme at all. It is just a balls to wall zombie action movie, with brains and limbs flying left right and centre. Not harrowing or emotive, just fucking good fun, and very well made good fun at that. Just look at this clip as evidence:



And also, without this film being successful, it is unlikely that the director, Zack Snider, wouldn't of been able to go on and make one of the greatest action films ever made; 300

2. Transformers (2007)



As some of you probably know, I like Transformers a lot. In fact I like Transformers so much, i even have a Transformers tattoo:



But when the big budget Michael Bay version got announced, I wasn't looking forward to it at all, I just thought it would be like every other Michael Bay film - shit. But it really isn't at all, they really got the Transformers down, Optimus Prime is perfect in the film, just like the cartoon, and the idea of having bumblebee speak through the radio is fantastic.

I only have 2 problems with the film, is that Michael Bay CANNOT direct people, it always falls into cliches, and Transformers was no different, luckily for us though, the people bits were minimal, and the giant talking robots smashing each other bits took up most of the film, and I felt that the characters of the Autobots and Decepticons are, in some cases, greatly different from the cartoon, like Starscream for example. The characters are perfectly formed in the cartoon, and in the film we only get characterisation in one of the Tranformers, and that's Bumblebee.

I am really looking forward to the sequel to this, as I hope that much more time is spent with the characters of the Transformers themselves, as they really should be the stars of these movies, as they are with the rest of the franchise. And hopefully Michael Bay will stop being racist in the second one. Did anyone else notice that all the black characters are there for comedy value, or get killed quickly? Even the black Autobot, Jazz, gets killed without getting barely any screen time!

1. The 40 Year Old Virgin -



I fucking love this film. It is one of the funniest comedies to come out in the last 15 years or so, and is just brilliant. None of it is cheap laughs, ALL of it is well written, the characters are perfectly formed, and the stories kicks ass. But when the film first came out I avoided it like the plague, because it has such a dumb title, I could picture the entire film in my head already, cheap "gross out" jokes, nudity and embarrassing "old my god he doesn't know what to do with girls" scenarios. But I was so so so so wrong.

I also saw this film on sky movies, when i had nothing better to do, and was blown away. Some scenes in this literally put me on the floor with laughter. I LOVE this film! And what is best of all, is that Judd Apatow has gone on to make consistently funny films, and out-did "The 40 year..." with "Knocked Up" which is even funnier and sidesplitting.


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