Monday 20 April 2009

"I mean, I'm not saying that you don't know what you're talking about, but I don't know what you're talking about.”


I’ve been feeling very reflective recently and it’s possibly the reason my blogs have been shorter (or in some cases just not there at all). I can’t say I’m depressed, but both the future and the past weigh heavily in my mind.

That actually sounds a lot more dramatic than it is but I guess it’s because I’ve become increasingly apathetic as I get older. In my mind I’m prepared for the life of the 9-5er, sitting in an office/shop/vehicle and being bored 8 hours a day. This isn’t what I want by any means, but I am prepared for it.

What I am not prepared for however, is the other side of my imaginary future.

Say what?

Like everyone in life I’ve changed my career path quite a few times. As a child I remember wanting to become a number of things including a policeman/fireman/samurai/my Dad/Bucky O’Hare etc. Never a nurse though.

When I hit my teens I was obsessed with martial arts and food. I wanted to be a Chef more than anything in the world. I also began to draw and, using my Mother’s love of architecture, began to design the restaurants I hoped to one day own.

I even did my work experience at a small vegetarian restaurant. It was fantastic and I had a great two weeks. I started work at 7pm and was usually home just before midnight. I did stuff like help to peel potatoes and prepare the sushi with the chefs. After a few days I got promoted to making the desserts and doing the washing up (so sort of like a demotion as well). And this worked out perfectly as it meant that I got to sleep in (unusual during a school week) AND watch the World Cup that was on during the same period. I had great fun watching North Korea hustle their way through to the later stages (even if it came with some dodgy ref decisions).

On the final night of my work experience Woody Harrelson came in to dine with some woman. I guess you could call it a sign, I only really consider it to be an experience. I didn’t actually get to go and say hi (not great etiquette to interrupt his meal), but I guess I’m one of only a hundred or so people whom has helped to cook and prepare a meal for him. Go me!

So anyways, by the time I was 16/17 I was beginning to dream about a career in the movie business. As with all dreams these started on the highest level. I’d always watched movies (who hasn’t?), and my Dad made sure that I paid attention to films from periods I would have otherwise ignored. I’ve always tried (and mostly failed) to be a ‘Now’ person and I still have difficulties with my concentration when it comes to history.

But without that love for foreign and old movies I’d probably end up like a lot of the people on my university course now, namely those people doing films studies who have no real interest in films. I don’t mean they don’t like watching films, because like I said pretty much everyone does, it’s the fact that they have no real interest in a career in the subject, or even taking film to a deeper level. By that I mean the people who can’t look beyond the surface to try and find the reasons why film affects us in so many different ways and how it does so. My documentary class is basically philosophy 101, but so many people refuse to accept the way the images and sound on screen affect our thoughts and feelings. Trying to find a dedicated team to work with is difficult when you’re surrounded by people who are trying to find themselves and who they want to be.
I digress, and even if I were to continue I would only tell you that I am lucky enough to have found and surrounded myself with the most dedicated and talented dudes I can find.

Anyways, it began on the highest level. I wanted fame. I wanted to make 15 movies a year. I wanted women and money. That lasted all of about a year before I finally came to terms with a few things. I reached that age where you realise that everything you’ve been taught over the years now needs to be relearned. That moment where you realise your parents aren’t perfect and that all of a sudden there’s not much they can say to you that has real meaning. That point where you make decisions and follow them blindly until you realise that all you’re left with is more decisions to make.

I realised I didn’t want any of those things really. They would be nice, but I’ve made it through life without them so far so they count as added bonuses. And if I did want them, fame and women/money can come from any area I choose to go to. I realised what I wanted was success, to make a film that mattered and to be able to achieve my artistic dreams while maintaining my social integrity. Definitely not becoming some C list celebrity whore used by newspapers to make tons of cash that I will see none of even though they invade my space and privacy 15 hours a day.
It’s that change in attitude that has made me the kind of filmmaker I am today. I’ve already spoken at some length about how all 3 of the films I’ve made so far have been shit. I’m okay with that, because it means I can only get better. I’m still writing short film ideas in the hope of finally making that short film without university placed restrictions and when it is made (notice how I didn’t say if) I know it will be better. I’ve had my experimental stage, and now it’s do or die, sink or swim, walk or run, eat or don’t eat etc. I’m hoping Castle Grey Max will be around to help make some movies, so if you’re especially lucky we might even one day have some short films uploaded.

Directing was my original passion, and oh man did I want to be a director. Then I wanted to be a cameraman. Now I know I want to write mainly, but also direct.

The writing I wrote about a few weeks ago (amusing sentence) in reference to my zombie script Dead Knowledge. As we all know it didn’t get made, which was a bummer. But I had that strong creative flow a few weeks back that produced some good work and I’m hoping that after these essays and what not are done I’ll be able to flow freely again.

Now that I think about it I’m probably more optimistic about the writing than anything else. I’ve had good feedback from this and a few other projects I’m working on so it’s just a matter of doing some stuff to get out there.

So to go back to my original point, I have no clue what my future holds. I’m ready for that 9-5er job (hopefully at least not in retail), but I’m not ready for what happens if I do actually achieve my dreams. In a weird way I’ve prepared myself only for the worst, and I’m only right this second beginning to think that perhaps this way of thinking has hindered my development. While that point is debateable (I’m arguing in my head right now) I at least know that it has stopped me from having the “I’m so great there’s no way I won’t make it” attitude I see quite a lot in life. Arrogance is not looked upon very well in today’s society with the exception of pro sports and movies. You need that self confidence, of course, but as with everything you need limits.

Again, I’m not depressed. I cannot stress this enough. I’m just a little bit scared of what the future holds. I can try as hard as I want and the cards might not fall my way. Time is only a concept but yet I already feel like it’s running out. And that’s WITHOUT being too philosophical about it. Of course it isn’t running out, I’ve still got (hopefully) another 50 + years left to mess about. Today’s society seems to be very youth focused but yet everyone asks for experience when you look for a job.

I have experience in a few different fields so I’m ready to face that side of things. But how will I cope if my dreams come true? Nobody knows, least of all me. And now that I’ve vented, I’m not even sure I care that much either way. Film has tons of career paths attached and I’m sure as long as I’m around it I’ll be happy. This of course leads me on to my next point. What makes us happy?

I kid, way too much rambling from me. Why? Like I said I’m feeling reflective while trying to find some way to look into the future. I’m dealing with subjects and feelings that are way beyond my grasp, and nothing I’ve said means anything in the long run. Perhaps life would be easier, or even much more certain, if I was religious? Perhaps not.

You know what, now that I’m this far in I realise I’m probably just doing this to avoid writing an essay. *sigh*

Movie mania...

So I did manage to watch some of the films I said I was going to check out. Short reviews so I can keep this on a lower word count because as I said last week, I have some longer articles I want to break out.

Gomorra



This is an Italian film from 2008 that focuses on multiple characters and how they are affected by the Camorra (a mafia like criminal organisation). A friend was kind enough to lend this to me recently and I was really quite excited to see it. Ever since I started watching the Wire I’ve been trying to find ways of logically creating my own gang (non-violent of course) and the whole criminal underworld thing is really interesting.

Two of my favourite foreign films are La Haine and City of God, both of which deal with crime and youth in their respective countries. Gomorra is very similar but I like the way it gets more of a variety in there. We follow a young boy and his best friend who join separate gangs, two crazy teenagers who are seemingly living just to die, a moneyman who feels compromised and a dress maker who goes against the Camorra to work for a Chinese factory owner.

All of the characters are interesting, and the acting would appear on the surface to be above standard. I found all of the information relevant and was astounded by some of the way this organisation makes its money such as buying land to use as dumping grounds etc. My only real problem here was the lack of a real ending. I felt very short changed at the end. There’s only a definite fate for two of the characters, while everyone else’s stories are left with far too ambiguous endings. In place of a satisfactory end for each character the movie finishes with some hardcore stats that, to me anyway, kind of ruined it. The message the film sent out was powerful enough without a bit of word art at the end saying basically everything we’d just seen in picture form.

With a more definite ending I would have come away happier but again another beautifully shot and powerful foreign film. Why Hollywood can’t produce this stuff consistently I don’t know.


The Wackness



As a Hip-Hop fan I’m pretty sure there’s no way I couldn’t like this movie. The sound track is that awesome. KRS-One, Nas, Wu Tang, I could go on and on there’s so many great songs.

Set in 1994 and based around the character of Luke Shapiro, we follow him as he finishes high school and prepares to go to college. Being socially inept, he has no real friends, and his only time to talk about his problems in life coming from his sessions with his psychiatrist Dr Squires. He sells weed out of his ice cream cart (Dr Squires charges him bags of weed) and has a deep, deep love for Hip-Hop. During his summer holiday he becomes friends with and falls in loves with Squires daughter in law Stephanie.

There’s a whole subplot to do with Dr Squires and his wife and how they have fallen out of love but it’s not why you should watch this movie. Ben Kingsley and Famke Janssen are both pretty good, as is Olivia Thirlby as Stephanie. But it’s Josh Peck as Luke Shapiro that makes this film really worth it. I really felt for his character, it’s easy to relate to him. His story and the friendship and relationship he forms with Squires and Stephanie are beautiful but real.

This mostly counts as a journey movie, people going from place to place and meeting interesting people who offer up their opinions and thoughts about life. This film reminded me of Waking Life and that is not a bad thing at all. A nice film with good characters and a strong story, it also has some really nice visuals throughout. You really feel the New York vibe. Pick it up.

And some even shorter ones...

Autopsy



This film is notable for one reason only, Robert Patrick is in it. Other than that it’s pretty stupid. A group of kids run over an escaped mental patient and help transport him to the hospital. Once at the hospital however everyone begins to disappear and it’s left up to one girl to find her friends and get out alive. It’s a stupid movie no doubt, but it is better than both the Crazy Eights and the Deaths of Ian Stone. The main chick is pretty hot, the twist at the end is at least well thought out and it has Robert Patrick playing basically The Terminator in a lab jacket.


Perkins' 14



This film was lame. The idea is actually pretty good, but it’s executed horribly. Characters are introduced and killed off too soon, storylines are left underdeveloped and I felt like towards the end they couldn’t decide if they wanted the killers to be superhuman or dumb slow zombie type figures. The decision to call this lame is a tricky one, as on the surface this film seems full of hardcore emotional moments and some full on action sequences. But a closer look reveals all the flaws I’ve mentioned. It’s like watching Heroes in movie form.

Box talk...

No TV again this week as I’m still waiting for seasons to finish. Most of them are too far in to casually discuss at length until they are finished. I do however need to say...

I finally enjoyed something about Heroes this week.

The last episode, “1961”, went back to 1961 (duh!) and finally showed us how the original company was first formed, like they said they were going to do two seasons ago. We finally learnt a lot more about Angela Petrelli, which has been needed for a while, and it was cool to see her sister, who has the power to control the weather. Perhaps even more amazing is that they didn’t kill her off at the end of the episode.

On a more negative note, well done Heroes for doing something we’ve been asking you to do for flipping ages now! And well played for managing to make all of the non-flashback stuff as boring as physically possible. There are only so many times I can watch the Petrelli clan talk about forgiveness and love. And how Claire has gone from wanting to be a badass superhero to complaining about wanting her old life back (where as far as I’m concerned, she was a superhero anyways).

Only two episodes left to change my mind...

So until next time...

*bows*

JOE

Wednesday 15 April 2009




Karen O at Home - The Demos

As I promised when reviewing the latest YYY's album (which still hasn't grown on me, sorry), here are the fairly unknown Karen O demos, which have been labelled Karen O at Home.



The demos have an interesting leak story, which was made very public on the internet. Karen O gave the disc to Dave Sitek (TV on the Radio, and super mega producer) who must've forgotten about it, as when he suddenly up and left his NYC appartment he left it in one of two suitcases he left behind. Upon finding the suitcases, some fellow found the disc, gave it to a mate, who in turn ripped it, put it on the net, then gave it to another mate as a present, apparently. Dave Sitek went mental and wrote some angry blog posts, including this gem:

"you are a tired and confused animal who has no grasp on consequences"

which was then followed by an apology. Even the dude who leaked it apologised, saying he wished he hadn't done it and "felt shitty", while good ole sexy Karen just said "shit happens".

The demos themselves are not very good, and are skeletal at best, but they are interesting. Most YYYs / Karen O fans will find these interesting, and as most people seem not to have heard them I present them to you.

Theres no formal track listing for this disc, but Karen O has said that track 6 is called "Pumpkin" and track 7 is called "Snakes and Worms".

Part 1

Part 2

If you've enjoyed this then comment or tell me in person.

And remember to join the FACEBOOK page

MAX

Saturday 11 April 2009

I'm still alive!

Sorry for the lack of updates from me, I don't really have a valid excuse, Joe is just much more on top of his life than I am. I have a few different articles in the work, and have been requested, by Joe, to write a focus on Inland Empire after his frustration and bemusement, as outlined in his last review. But for today, I will be doing a much more musically focussed article. I have recently had quite a lot of time on my hands and have been listening to a lot of new music, which I have thoroughly enjoyed, so much so, that I've decided to give a round up of some of the stuff I've found, in the hope of highlighter some stuff some of you lovely readers may not have heard or heard of.


Satanism RULES!


Hang the Bastard



I saw HTB supporting Throats in Kingston at the wondefull Fighting Cocks, a few months ago, and thought they were fucking awesome. With this in mind, I couldn't wait for Raw Sorcery to arrive, once I had ordered it, and was literally screaming when the useless post men hadn't bought it. It finally arrived and I was not dissapointed. There sound is big. HTB have a sound which is similar to Integrity, but with heavy infusions of Black Sabbath, Down and EYEHATEGOD, they are exactly what I like about Integrity, but with a heavier, more metal / doomy sound.

The opener "Failed Harvest" is an epic, building track, with some kickass samples going on in the background, with whats leads into a fucking heavy main riff. The tracks I especially enjoy on this EP are "Failed Harvest" for the solo leading intro to the heavy main riff, "Doomed Fucking Doomed" for its heavily influenced black metal verses and, in my opinion, their best track, on and off the EP; "Oblivion", which is also the most hardcore styled track on the CD. They are a band to watch out for, on the metal and hardcore circuit. Try and catch them live if you can, they are playing the Fighting Cocks again with Fast Point (another great oldschool hardcore band) on the 15th of this month, however, I will be eating burritos and catching up with someone that night, so I won't be in attendance.


Burzum



When one of my best buds came to visit a couple of weekends ago, we ended up pretty blitz from a weekend of smoking bongs and eating Jersey fudge. On the Monday afterwards, while in recovery mode, I decided to download the entire Burzum discog and read as much I could on him. I used to enjoy Black Metal when I was younger and read a lot about it then, so I'm not new to the genre, but I felt it was time to fully immerse myself in some Norwegian Satanic murderous Black Metal. The entire Burzum back catalogue is incredibly cold, almost oppresively so, which ends up leading to an atmosphere of which seems to perfectly fit the freezing cold, snow covered forests that cover much of Norway. This atmosphere is really created by the very lo-fi recording quality, which has tons of reverb and simplified use of drums and synth. While listening to it you can almost feel the evil seeping through the speakers, where you become transported to an image of blood drenched snow, which is only penetrated by the black pillars of leaf-less trees and high burning fires. Or maybe it was just because I was still in perma-stone while listening to it.

Although I feel I am justified with describing Burzum as "evil music" because it is some of the few creative outputs of a convicted murderer which is both good and readily available. For those of you who are behind in their Norwegian Black Metal knowledge Burzum, or Varg Vikernes (aka Count Grishnackh) was convicted in 1993 for the murder of Mayhem guitarist Euronymous and the arson of several Churches (you can read more about this on Wikipedia). Most of his records were released before his imprisonment, but his last two albums have been recorded and released from prison, however, while in prison he was only allowed a synthesiser, so for those records Burzum took a Dark Ambient style, which is not too dissimilar to the longest track off of his album "Filosofem"; "Rundgang um die transzendentale Säule der Singularität". While imprisoned, Vikerness has become very outspoken in his anti-semitism and racist agenda, mostly in regards to returning Norway to its "pure" Germanic roots, while he claims that he is not a neo-Nazi.



The albums which particular stand out to me are "Hvis lyset tar oss" for its roughness and the afforementioned "Filosofem", which I feel is his best work. "Filosofem" is crushingly cold and evil, and perfectly sums up everything that Burzum has created, both atmospherically and idealisticly. If you have an interest in extreme music, or in extreme art, the I would highly recommend listening to any Burzum you can. It is some of the strongest atmospheric pieces of art that you can find.


Trash Talk



I kind of feel like I got to the TT party late. I've heard lots of different people involved in the hardcore scene rant on about this band, throwing things around like "greatest hxc ever" and "saving hardcore", which seems to get said alot these days (Fucked Up anyone), but for whatever reason, I didn't track them down, until Alex Holy Roar (check his blog HERE) came back from SXSW going "dude, they fucking rule, I'm playing it to you now, you'll fucking love it" and he's right, they are really good. To me, they sound like early Napalm Death, but from a hardcore starting point. Almost like early Suicidal Tendencies playing "I Shot The Devil" twice as fast, then breaking into sludgy punky dirge. Trash Talk tease the listener with fractions of riffs, which are then quickly replaces with chaos. Their self-titled debut is a great hardcore record, one of the best to come out for a while. They are going to be held as a very important hardcore band of this time, just because of their word-of-mouth spread across the scene and their brutal oldschool delivery.


Phoenix Bodies



Ever since hearing Pig Destroyer and then Napalm Death I have been a big fan of different grindcore bands. However, while exploring the genre, I found that there are really only a few select bands that are unique and worth following, with these being Pig Destroyer, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Insect Warfair, Napalm Death, Carcass and Phoenix Bodies. I only just recently got hold of the PB album "Raise the Bullshit Flag" (which you can buy HERE, in a 4 pack deal with some other awesome records for only £10!!!!!!!!1) and I haven't been able to stop listening to it. It is finger tapping, CATCHY Grindcore, which has heavy influences from the "core" side, specifically Converge, with memorable songs which stay in your head all day long. If you have any interest in the harsher side of hardcore (Converge, Trap Them etc) or Grindcore then definetly buy this album, its dirt cheap at the Holy Roar store and its fucking awesome. I cannot stress how good this album is.


Agoraphobic Nosebleed



It is hard to put into words the sound of this band, without sounding completely ridculous, but they are a completely ridculous band, so fuck it. They sound like how someone with ADD and Schizophrenia must think. They sound like a mentally ill japanese robot trying to kill everyone it can while throwing up oil and components. They sound like a feed back induced headache, to the point at which you could vomit at any moment. ANb are the brain child of Scott Hull, the grind mastermind responsible for Pig Destroyer, but where he is allowed to run riot with samples, 99 track mini CDs and drum machines. ANb's exclusive use of drum machines means that the boundries of speed and noise can be significantly pushed, with many tracks going over the 1000 bpm mark! To put that speed into perspective, Dubstep is almost exclusively 140 bpm. ANb are the most extreme band you can ever listen to. Almost all their releases are good, but particular high lights are their awesome split with Converge: "The Poacher Diaries" and their album "Frozen Corpse Stuffed With Dope". If you are interested in extreme music, check them out straight away.


and for something entirely different


Wu-Tang Clan



Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) is the greatest hip-hop album ever made and always will be. If you dont agree then fuck you. WTC will also always be the greatest hip-hop group that ever existed, fuck your J5s and Ugly Ducklings, WTC kill everyone in sight. While talking about WTC with a friend we realised that the reason they were always soooo good, is that every single member is a fucking good MC, with one of the best producers making all their tracks. After listening to 36 Chambers all the time, I got hold of as much WTC albums as possible, including related albums, which has lead me to the fantastic solo albums released by all the WTC members, outside of the group (specifically Liquid Swords by GZA, Tical by Method Man and ODB's first record) and also the Killa Bees compilations, which hold some really great tracks, which the majority of WTC fans would never have heard. One particular WTC related record that I've been stuck on is Wu-Tang Meets The Indie Culture which has some of the best tracks that WTC have done, and guest appearances from Del Tha Funky Homosapien and MF Doom. If you're a fan of either WTC or hip-hop then get hold of this album, it is fucking fantastic. There is very VERY little hip-hop or rap that excites me, and this is one of those records.


What sucks right now...


As well as enjoying a lot of new music, I have also recently heard a lot of shit, this might be due to being home and watching MTV.


Lady Gaga



I just dont understand her success. She isn't good looking and her music very very bland. It is the same electro pop crap that is being pedalled across the pop music charts at the moment, with no differentiating factor which warrants her success. I remember reading her press release a few months ago that said something along the lines of "When Gaga was a child, she would sing along to all her favourite cassettes all the time." WHO FUCKING DIDN'T! I used to sing along to everything, but I cant fucking sing, and I doubt my mum saw it as a sign of my impending musical ability and success, she just told me to sing more quietly because it was distracting my step-dad while he was driving. I guess Lady Gaga is another example of the fact that saturation does lead to short term success. We can just take solace in the fact that Gaga will be forgotten in a few months, and some other stupid untalented waste of musical space will be successful for a couple of months.


James Morrison



Bland, unimaginative, uncreative shit. If you like James Morrison, you don't have a taste in music, your opinion is invalid. I saw an interview with him where he said he didn't like James Blunt's new album, too close to home I guess.


Los Campesinos!



Music made for children. There is some music / bands where I wonder, firstly how adults wrote it, and secondly how anyone but 14 year old girls could enjoy it. Los Crapn ame are one of those bands. Just shit.


Metro Station



Miley Cyrus is hot, I don't care if I sound like a pedo, but her older brother Trace (what a dumb fucking name) is not hot, he looks like he's about to cry all the time, and has a silly amount of tattoos for a 20 year old. I want to get a lot more tattoos, but not cover 75% of my upper half by the age of 20. Check out his video on why he has soooo many tattoos already:



Thats right, because his dad has some, and he likes Blink 182 and Good Charlotte... KOOOOOOL LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Their crappy crunk power pop type nonsense is becoming really popular in the US, and hopefully wont filter across into the UK too badly, because it is truly awful. Metro Station's music matches their name, in the way that it is crappy and probably has no thought put into it. They are only popular because of his slutty little sister, and again will be forgotten soon enough. For the mean while, we can laugh at Trace the whispering retard and his fat emo front man.




Idiot Box



Recently I have been enjoying the new runss of both Family Guy and South Park, especially the just shown rip on Kanye West's ego (do you like fishsticks?), but I will do a full write up of both seasons when they finish, but overall I have been really impressed by both shows' latest output. I have also been thoroughly enjoying the new run of The Inbetweeners. The new episodes are hilarious, which is a great relief. Again, I will do a full write up when the season ends.

Until next time.

MAX

PS - Good night sweet princess, you're an angel in heaven now.



Monday 6 April 2009

“The Marilyn Levens Starlight Celebrity Show will be back next week. From Hollywood, California - where stars make dreams and dreams make stars.” – Announcer

This last week has been uneventful. University is finished for the moment and I’ve just been enjoying the good weather. A handful of reviews for you today, most of which are from the horror genre. I figure this constant fascination Max and I see to have for blood and scares might begin to bore you soon so I’m going to try and change it up a little over the coming weeks by looking at both new films I’ve seen and old films I’ve had to watch for classes etc.

Included on my list of films to watch this week are Gomorrah, Twilight Samurai, The Wackness, Sideways and a few others such as Martyrs. I won’t guarantee you’ll get any of those reviews but those are my plans for now.

This is hopefully going to be a shorter article this week because I have a few things I’m hoping to do in future blogs that look to be quite long. I just can’t resist doing a season review of Heroes when it ends in a month or so. Same with Lost.

I’ve also done away with rating films. Out of 5, Out of 10, none of that matters. If you read the review and it catches your attention and sounds like something you might like then I implore you to go watch it. I figure me saying something is worth 4 imaginary stars is meaningless.

I also need to clear up a mistake I made concerning Dead Snow last week in the part describing film references. One of the actors does in fact NOT do a great impression of Sloth from the Goonies. He does a slightly amusing impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger. How I got that wrong I don’t know, but I’m man enough to admit my mistakes.
So on to some reviews, starting with a David Lynch film.

This is a story that happened yesterday. But I know its tomorrow



Inland Empire

I was sitting in Castle Grey Skullz with Max the other week staring at the Inland Empire poster up on his wall (Ed, - Its the same as the one above, Max). As soon as I saw the poster I wanted to see it. I have no idea why. David Lynch is an odd one for me. I’ve seen most of his work and I never fail to come away conflicted. I just don’t know if he’s a genius or a complete twat. I had to write an essay comparing and contrasting Auteur theory and Genre theory last year and chose Lynch as an example of a modern ‘auteur’. There’s a rather compelling argument for Lynch as an auteur and it’s mostly right, you always know you’re watching a Lynch movie. He just has that way of setting up these seemingly normal stories and then dragging you kicking and screaming into the surreal worlds he creates within his films. Eraserhead, Blue Velvet, Lost Highway and so on. They all feature similar themes are all mostly weird as hell.
I had trouble sitting through all of them (Eraserhead made me surprisingly uncomfortable), but none of them made me feel as confused and at unease as Inland Empire. I’m not even going to try and explain the plot, or what happens. I’m not even sure I could tell you if it’s any good. The more I think about it the more confused I feel. I understood the events and when and how they happened.

The why? I’m not really sure I want to go that deep into Lynch’s head. It’s a long film, nearly 3 hours, and towards the last 20 minutes I was literally screaming at my TV for it to finish with my pillow in a death grip. As soon as it was over though, I just couldn’t stop thinking. I had the same feeling I get when I watch a fantastic film but the actual process of watching it was very difficult for me. If Lynch wanted to make something that is really quite terrifying then he succeeded.

I think for an in depth look at Lynch and any of his films I’m going to have to force Castle Grey Max to do an article. I’d be silly however to not tell you that both Laura Dern and Justin Theroux are fantastic in this. I have a strange feeling Laura Dern in particular was the reason I felt so uncomfortable throughout, she’s so flaky and scared the whole time I almost felt like I wanted to follow a character who actually knows what’s going on.

It’s an experience that you really should put yourself through, though you will probably hate me for recommending it. You have to be hardcore as it’s long and confusing but in its own little ways it’s fantastic, beautiful and always mesmerising. I’m going to try it again soon and see if anything changes.

"The problem is that I'm remembering something that never happened. Maybe something's wrong with me, you know?"



The Deaths of Ian Stone

I got 5 different horror films recently and decided to watch all of them starting with this and finishing with Martyrs. I’ve still got 3 to go so those reviews will probably be coming up at some point. The Deaths of Ian Stone is an odd movie. For the first 45 minutes it’s actually a really good film. It’s about this guy that keeps dying and waking up in a new life only to be killed again by shadowed pursuers.

The acting, CGI and story all work really well up until the second half. Much like Midnight Meat Train however, the ending just killed it for me. It turns into a boring monster’s and demons suck fest with unnecessary fight scenes complete with naff matrix style leather outfits and sunglasses.
Jamie Murray, who you may know from either BBC’s Hustle or Showtime’s Dexter in season 2, is really starting to grate on my nerves. She plays the same character all time and I’m not really interested in a stone faced pale English chick who talks like she’s trying to seduce you constantly. A real let down.

“Between 1954 to 1976, nearly 600 children were voluntarily submitted for participation in a number of behavioural studies. These experimental facilities were privately funded and tucked away in secluded regions of the south.”



Crazy Eights

Another let down, but this time I could tell it was going to be awful within 14 minutes of watching. This movie isn’t worth your time so I’ll be breaking out spoilers. The acting is subpar, there is no real SFX which I can highlight, the stories a little bit lame and it features some unforgiveable plot holes. According to IMDB the plot is as follows;

“Circumstance brings six childhood friends together to face their past, and a secret they share.”

The circumstance is the death of one of their friends. Crazy Eights is the name of their childhood baseball team. The secret they share is that when they were younger they killed the 8th member of their group and left her in a box, to be buried and forgotten about forever. All of the characters are having nightmares concerning a past they have no memory of. Their dead friend leaves them a map to the box containing the girl and the group have no recollection. As they drive away they keep passing a white house that they eventually enter.

It’s around here where I was just like what? Everything that happens from now on is completely stupid.

We find out that all of them were part of the experiments described in the quote above, living in the same white house they find themselves in now. They don’t remember living there together which begs the question how they could have been friends for so long. How can they not remember how they met?

They are trapped in this white house, which for no apparent reason is haunted. This was probably the most confusing thing for me. I get that this house was the facility they were raised and experimented it in but a lot of the dialogue and themes in this film centre around guilt and the amount they feel for killing their friend and leaving her. People start to die, but they aren’t committing suicide because they feel guilty, they are literally being taken out by the ghost/spirit/demon/whatever of the girl they killed. Haunted hospital and scornful soul out for revenge? It felt really out of place, especially as the characters all acknowledge her death was an accident before they are all picked off.

There’s lots of other stuff that didn’t make sense to me and the characters are criminally underdeveloped. The biggest problem here though is the fact that you are asked to believe in absolutely non-sensible things. This is usual for a horror movie, sure, but there’s no real connection. It sits on the fence between psychological murder mystery, and haunted house malarkey.

I wouldn’t bother really, there’s nothing for you here unless you’ve made it your mission in life to see every movie ever made.

Elsewhere...

Like I said I want to do some season ending reviews so I’ll keep the TV short and sweet again this week.

Heroes
This show is really starting to grind on me now. My latest issue? The fact that the writers have decided that some of their characters are too powerful and so have scaled back a few powers. That’s cool, I’ve been saying that since season one. It was the same issue I had with the Matrix trilogy; they made Neo too powerful at the end of the first one so why bother watching the sequels when you know he’s going to win.

However, as always with Heroes they’ve gone and done something stupid. They’ve scaled back both Peter and Hiros powers to the point of them being a bit rubbish (Peter can only store one power at a time and Hiro can only stop time now) but yet seem to be on giving Sylar as many powers as possible. Last episode he picked up the ability to shape shift. I mean come on; you can’t have double standards like that. It makes no sense to me.
I’ll be glad when this season is finished and hopefully the cast and story gets revised a little. I’m certain Heroes cannot live through another up and down season like this.

Lost
Still going strong and I love where the story is going right now. I also love the fact Sawyer is running things these days as Jack was starting to wear me down with his pessimism and general uncertainty about anything. I still think Benjamin Linus is one of the best bad guys on TV and that the final episodes of this penultimate season will be un-missable.

Diagnosis Murder
Dick Van Dyke is a personal hero of mine and I love this show like I love food. Whenever I’m in my house on a weekday at 14:15 I turn on BBC1 (just to make sure I miss Doctors) and get 45 minutes of pure fun. People die constantly in this show, hence the title, but there’s rarely an episode you won’t laugh or smile at the general silliness of Dr Mark Sloan and his crack team of detectives (only one of whom actually works for the police). Barry Van Dyke as Mark’s son Steve Sloan is great and Victoria Rowell is hot in pretty much every episode. There’s just something sexy about her. Whoever the sidekick is, be it Charlie Schlatter or Scott Baio (who played Bugsy Malone) it’s all love. There are tons of episodes and I think I’ve nearly seen all of them. In a world where daytime TV sucks to high heaven this is a rare gem and is well worth your time.

How I Met You’re Mother & Big Bang Theory
HIMYM was actually very funny last week with Barney trying to do everything on a list of things Ted believes he and his friends are too old to do. Legen-wait for it-dary.
Big Bang was not so funny, with Penny forced to stand up for her geeky friends when another hot blonde begins to take advantage of them. No real big laughs at all, watching the guys slobber over another blonde was just boring. I’m almost considering not watching after this season.

And finally...

A couple of random thoughts;
I was watching Ghostbusters 1 the other day and found it interesting that all four Ghostbusters smoke cigarettes. That’s crazy to me. In 1984 it was still okay to smoke cigarettes and be a role model. It would probably be banned now. I quit smoking cigarettes recently, so this isn’t a “Look how stupid the world has become” note. I just find it interesting that something I usually associate with the 50’s backwards when it was cool for everyone to smoke fags. I just sometimes forget that it’s only recently that smokers have become the outcasts of society.

I’ve been watching the Wire on BBC 2 at 23:20 every week night on BBC 2. Even though I’ve seen all 60 episodes like 3 times now. It sounds really snobby but I can’t help but get this disgusting feeling in my guts that there are people out there watching the Wire that really don’t deserve to. They don’t have the attention span or intelligence to comprehend what’s being shown to them. You can’t look at the Wire as a simple crime drama in the same way you can’t look at Watchmen as just a comic book. It’s deeper than that. If you’re not watching then I suggest you start tonight, BBC 2 at 23:20.

I think I’ll leave it here for now and come back to you next week. Have a good one and enjoy the Easter holidays.

JOE