"I mean, I'm not saying that you don't know what you're talking about, but I don't know what you're talking about.”
I’ve been feeling very reflective recently and it’s possibly the reason my blogs have been shorter (or in some cases just not there at all). I can’t say I’m depressed, but both the future and the past weigh heavily in my mind.
That actually sounds a lot more dramatic than it is but I guess it’s because I’ve become increasingly apathetic as I get older. In my mind I’m prepared for the life of the 9-5er, sitting in an office/shop/vehicle and being bored 8 hours a day. This isn’t what I want by any means, but I am prepared for it.
What I am not prepared for however, is the other side of my imaginary future.
Say what?
Like everyone in life I’ve changed my career path quite a few times. As a child I remember wanting to become a number of things including a policeman/fireman/samurai/my Dad/Bucky O’Hare etc. Never a nurse though.
When I hit my teens I was obsessed with martial arts and food. I wanted to be a Chef more than anything in the world. I also began to draw and, using my Mother’s love of architecture, began to design the restaurants I hoped to one day own.
I even did my work experience at a small vegetarian restaurant. It was fantastic and I had a great two weeks. I started work at 7pm and was usually home just before midnight. I did stuff like help to peel potatoes and prepare the sushi with the chefs. After a few days I got promoted to making the desserts and doing the washing up (so sort of like a demotion as well). And this worked out perfectly as it meant that I got to sleep in (unusual during a school week) AND watch the World Cup that was on during the same period. I had great fun watching North Korea hustle their way through to the later stages (even if it came with some dodgy ref decisions).
On the final night of my work experience Woody Harrelson came in to dine with some woman. I guess you could call it a sign, I only really consider it to be an experience. I didn’t actually get to go and say hi (not great etiquette to interrupt his meal), but I guess I’m one of only a hundred or so people whom has helped to cook and prepare a meal for him. Go me!
So anyways, by the time I was 16/17 I was beginning to dream about a career in the movie business. As with all dreams these started on the highest level. I’d always watched movies (who hasn’t?), and my Dad made sure that I paid attention to films from periods I would have otherwise ignored. I’ve always tried (and mostly failed) to be a ‘Now’ person and I still have difficulties with my concentration when it comes to history.
But without that love for foreign and old movies I’d probably end up like a lot of the people on my university course now, namely those people doing films studies who have no real interest in films. I don’t mean they don’t like watching films, because like I said pretty much everyone does, it’s the fact that they have no real interest in a career in the subject, or even taking film to a deeper level. By that I mean the people who can’t look beyond the surface to try and find the reasons why film affects us in so many different ways and how it does so. My documentary class is basically philosophy 101, but so many people refuse to accept the way the images and sound on screen affect our thoughts and feelings. Trying to find a dedicated team to work with is difficult when you’re surrounded by people who are trying to find themselves and who they want to be.
I digress, and even if I were to continue I would only tell you that I am lucky enough to have found and surrounded myself with the most dedicated and talented dudes I can find.
Anyways, it began on the highest level. I wanted fame. I wanted to make 15 movies a year. I wanted women and money. That lasted all of about a year before I finally came to terms with a few things. I reached that age where you realise that everything you’ve been taught over the years now needs to be relearned. That moment where you realise your parents aren’t perfect and that all of a sudden there’s not much they can say to you that has real meaning. That point where you make decisions and follow them blindly until you realise that all you’re left with is more decisions to make.
I realised I didn’t want any of those things really. They would be nice, but I’ve made it through life without them so far so they count as added bonuses. And if I did want them, fame and women/money can come from any area I choose to go to. I realised what I wanted was success, to make a film that mattered and to be able to achieve my artistic dreams while maintaining my social integrity. Definitely not becoming some C list celebrity whore used by newspapers to make tons of cash that I will see none of even though they invade my space and privacy 15 hours a day.
It’s that change in attitude that has made me the kind of filmmaker I am today. I’ve already spoken at some length about how all 3 of the films I’ve made so far have been shit. I’m okay with that, because it means I can only get better. I’m still writing short film ideas in the hope of finally making that short film without university placed restrictions and when it is made (notice how I didn’t say if) I know it will be better. I’ve had my experimental stage, and now it’s do or die, sink or swim, walk or run, eat or don’t eat etc. I’m hoping Castle Grey Max will be around to help make some movies, so if you’re especially lucky we might even one day have some short films uploaded.
Directing was my original passion, and oh man did I want to be a director. Then I wanted to be a cameraman. Now I know I want to write mainly, but also direct.
The writing I wrote about a few weeks ago (amusing sentence) in reference to my zombie script Dead Knowledge. As we all know it didn’t get made, which was a bummer. But I had that strong creative flow a few weeks back that produced some good work and I’m hoping that after these essays and what not are done I’ll be able to flow freely again.
Now that I think about it I’m probably more optimistic about the writing than anything else. I’ve had good feedback from this and a few other projects I’m working on so it’s just a matter of doing some stuff to get out there.
So to go back to my original point, I have no clue what my future holds. I’m ready for that 9-5er job (hopefully at least not in retail), but I’m not ready for what happens if I do actually achieve my dreams. In a weird way I’ve prepared myself only for the worst, and I’m only right this second beginning to think that perhaps this way of thinking has hindered my development. While that point is debateable (I’m arguing in my head right now) I at least know that it has stopped me from having the “I’m so great there’s no way I won’t make it” attitude I see quite a lot in life. Arrogance is not looked upon very well in today’s society with the exception of pro sports and movies. You need that self confidence, of course, but as with everything you need limits.
Again, I’m not depressed. I cannot stress this enough. I’m just a little bit scared of what the future holds. I can try as hard as I want and the cards might not fall my way. Time is only a concept but yet I already feel like it’s running out. And that’s WITHOUT being too philosophical about it. Of course it isn’t running out, I’ve still got (hopefully) another 50 + years left to mess about. Today’s society seems to be very youth focused but yet everyone asks for experience when you look for a job.
I have experience in a few different fields so I’m ready to face that side of things. But how will I cope if my dreams come true? Nobody knows, least of all me. And now that I’ve vented, I’m not even sure I care that much either way. Film has tons of career paths attached and I’m sure as long as I’m around it I’ll be happy. This of course leads me on to my next point. What makes us happy?
I kid, way too much rambling from me. Why? Like I said I’m feeling reflective while trying to find some way to look into the future. I’m dealing with subjects and feelings that are way beyond my grasp, and nothing I’ve said means anything in the long run. Perhaps life would be easier, or even much more certain, if I was religious? Perhaps not.
You know what, now that I’m this far in I realise I’m probably just doing this to avoid writing an essay. *sigh*
Movie mania...
So I did manage to watch some of the films I said I was going to check out. Short reviews so I can keep this on a lower word count because as I said last week, I have some longer articles I want to break out.
Gomorra
This is an Italian film from 2008 that focuses on multiple characters and how they are affected by the Camorra (a mafia like criminal organisation). A friend was kind enough to lend this to me recently and I was really quite excited to see it. Ever since I started watching the Wire I’ve been trying to find ways of logically creating my own gang (non-violent of course) and the whole criminal underworld thing is really interesting.
Two of my favourite foreign films are La Haine and City of God, both of which deal with crime and youth in their respective countries. Gomorra is very similar but I like the way it gets more of a variety in there. We follow a young boy and his best friend who join separate gangs, two crazy teenagers who are seemingly living just to die, a moneyman who feels compromised and a dress maker who goes against the Camorra to work for a Chinese factory owner.
All of the characters are interesting, and the acting would appear on the surface to be above standard. I found all of the information relevant and was astounded by some of the way this organisation makes its money such as buying land to use as dumping grounds etc. My only real problem here was the lack of a real ending. I felt very short changed at the end. There’s only a definite fate for two of the characters, while everyone else’s stories are left with far too ambiguous endings. In place of a satisfactory end for each character the movie finishes with some hardcore stats that, to me anyway, kind of ruined it. The message the film sent out was powerful enough without a bit of word art at the end saying basically everything we’d just seen in picture form.
With a more definite ending I would have come away happier but again another beautifully shot and powerful foreign film. Why Hollywood can’t produce this stuff consistently I don’t know.
The Wackness
As a Hip-Hop fan I’m pretty sure there’s no way I couldn’t like this movie. The sound track is that awesome. KRS-One, Nas, Wu Tang, I could go on and on there’s so many great songs.
Set in 1994 and based around the character of Luke Shapiro, we follow him as he finishes high school and prepares to go to college. Being socially inept, he has no real friends, and his only time to talk about his problems in life coming from his sessions with his psychiatrist Dr Squires. He sells weed out of his ice cream cart (Dr Squires charges him bags of weed) and has a deep, deep love for Hip-Hop. During his summer holiday he becomes friends with and falls in loves with Squires daughter in law Stephanie.
There’s a whole subplot to do with Dr Squires and his wife and how they have fallen out of love but it’s not why you should watch this movie. Ben Kingsley and Famke Janssen are both pretty good, as is Olivia Thirlby as Stephanie. But it’s Josh Peck as Luke Shapiro that makes this film really worth it. I really felt for his character, it’s easy to relate to him. His story and the friendship and relationship he forms with Squires and Stephanie are beautiful but real.
This mostly counts as a journey movie, people going from place to place and meeting interesting people who offer up their opinions and thoughts about life. This film reminded me of Waking Life and that is not a bad thing at all. A nice film with good characters and a strong story, it also has some really nice visuals throughout. You really feel the New York vibe. Pick it up.
And some even shorter ones...
Autopsy
This film is notable for one reason only, Robert Patrick is in it. Other than that it’s pretty stupid. A group of kids run over an escaped mental patient and help transport him to the hospital. Once at the hospital however everyone begins to disappear and it’s left up to one girl to find her friends and get out alive. It’s a stupid movie no doubt, but it is better than both the Crazy Eights and the Deaths of Ian Stone. The main chick is pretty hot, the twist at the end is at least well thought out and it has Robert Patrick playing basically The Terminator in a lab jacket.
Perkins' 14
This film was lame. The idea is actually pretty good, but it’s executed horribly. Characters are introduced and killed off too soon, storylines are left underdeveloped and I felt like towards the end they couldn’t decide if they wanted the killers to be superhuman or dumb slow zombie type figures. The decision to call this lame is a tricky one, as on the surface this film seems full of hardcore emotional moments and some full on action sequences. But a closer look reveals all the flaws I’ve mentioned. It’s like watching Heroes in movie form.
Box talk...
No TV again this week as I’m still waiting for seasons to finish. Most of them are too far in to casually discuss at length until they are finished. I do however need to say...
I finally enjoyed something about Heroes this week.
The last episode, “1961”, went back to 1961 (duh!) and finally showed us how the original company was first formed, like they said they were going to do two seasons ago. We finally learnt a lot more about Angela Petrelli, which has been needed for a while, and it was cool to see her sister, who has the power to control the weather. Perhaps even more amazing is that they didn’t kill her off at the end of the episode.
On a more negative note, well done Heroes for doing something we’ve been asking you to do for flipping ages now! And well played for managing to make all of the non-flashback stuff as boring as physically possible. There are only so many times I can watch the Petrelli clan talk about forgiveness and love. And how Claire has gone from wanting to be a badass superhero to complaining about wanting her old life back (where as far as I’m concerned, she was a superhero anyways).
Only two episodes left to change my mind...
So until next time...
*bows*
JOE
I’ve been feeling very reflective recently and it’s possibly the reason my blogs have been shorter (or in some cases just not there at all). I can’t say I’m depressed, but both the future and the past weigh heavily in my mind.
That actually sounds a lot more dramatic than it is but I guess it’s because I’ve become increasingly apathetic as I get older. In my mind I’m prepared for the life of the 9-5er, sitting in an office/shop/vehicle and being bored 8 hours a day. This isn’t what I want by any means, but I am prepared for it.
What I am not prepared for however, is the other side of my imaginary future.
Say what?
Like everyone in life I’ve changed my career path quite a few times. As a child I remember wanting to become a number of things including a policeman/fireman/samurai/my Dad/Bucky O’Hare etc. Never a nurse though.
When I hit my teens I was obsessed with martial arts and food. I wanted to be a Chef more than anything in the world. I also began to draw and, using my Mother’s love of architecture, began to design the restaurants I hoped to one day own.
I even did my work experience at a small vegetarian restaurant. It was fantastic and I had a great two weeks. I started work at 7pm and was usually home just before midnight. I did stuff like help to peel potatoes and prepare the sushi with the chefs. After a few days I got promoted to making the desserts and doing the washing up (so sort of like a demotion as well). And this worked out perfectly as it meant that I got to sleep in (unusual during a school week) AND watch the World Cup that was on during the same period. I had great fun watching North Korea hustle their way through to the later stages (even if it came with some dodgy ref decisions).
On the final night of my work experience Woody Harrelson came in to dine with some woman. I guess you could call it a sign, I only really consider it to be an experience. I didn’t actually get to go and say hi (not great etiquette to interrupt his meal), but I guess I’m one of only a hundred or so people whom has helped to cook and prepare a meal for him. Go me!
So anyways, by the time I was 16/17 I was beginning to dream about a career in the movie business. As with all dreams these started on the highest level. I’d always watched movies (who hasn’t?), and my Dad made sure that I paid attention to films from periods I would have otherwise ignored. I’ve always tried (and mostly failed) to be a ‘Now’ person and I still have difficulties with my concentration when it comes to history.
But without that love for foreign and old movies I’d probably end up like a lot of the people on my university course now, namely those people doing films studies who have no real interest in films. I don’t mean they don’t like watching films, because like I said pretty much everyone does, it’s the fact that they have no real interest in a career in the subject, or even taking film to a deeper level. By that I mean the people who can’t look beyond the surface to try and find the reasons why film affects us in so many different ways and how it does so. My documentary class is basically philosophy 101, but so many people refuse to accept the way the images and sound on screen affect our thoughts and feelings. Trying to find a dedicated team to work with is difficult when you’re surrounded by people who are trying to find themselves and who they want to be.
I digress, and even if I were to continue I would only tell you that I am lucky enough to have found and surrounded myself with the most dedicated and talented dudes I can find.
Anyways, it began on the highest level. I wanted fame. I wanted to make 15 movies a year. I wanted women and money. That lasted all of about a year before I finally came to terms with a few things. I reached that age where you realise that everything you’ve been taught over the years now needs to be relearned. That moment where you realise your parents aren’t perfect and that all of a sudden there’s not much they can say to you that has real meaning. That point where you make decisions and follow them blindly until you realise that all you’re left with is more decisions to make.
I realised I didn’t want any of those things really. They would be nice, but I’ve made it through life without them so far so they count as added bonuses. And if I did want them, fame and women/money can come from any area I choose to go to. I realised what I wanted was success, to make a film that mattered and to be able to achieve my artistic dreams while maintaining my social integrity. Definitely not becoming some C list celebrity whore used by newspapers to make tons of cash that I will see none of even though they invade my space and privacy 15 hours a day.
It’s that change in attitude that has made me the kind of filmmaker I am today. I’ve already spoken at some length about how all 3 of the films I’ve made so far have been shit. I’m okay with that, because it means I can only get better. I’m still writing short film ideas in the hope of finally making that short film without university placed restrictions and when it is made (notice how I didn’t say if) I know it will be better. I’ve had my experimental stage, and now it’s do or die, sink or swim, walk or run, eat or don’t eat etc. I’m hoping Castle Grey Max will be around to help make some movies, so if you’re especially lucky we might even one day have some short films uploaded.
Directing was my original passion, and oh man did I want to be a director. Then I wanted to be a cameraman. Now I know I want to write mainly, but also direct.
The writing I wrote about a few weeks ago (amusing sentence) in reference to my zombie script Dead Knowledge. As we all know it didn’t get made, which was a bummer. But I had that strong creative flow a few weeks back that produced some good work and I’m hoping that after these essays and what not are done I’ll be able to flow freely again.
Now that I think about it I’m probably more optimistic about the writing than anything else. I’ve had good feedback from this and a few other projects I’m working on so it’s just a matter of doing some stuff to get out there.
So to go back to my original point, I have no clue what my future holds. I’m ready for that 9-5er job (hopefully at least not in retail), but I’m not ready for what happens if I do actually achieve my dreams. In a weird way I’ve prepared myself only for the worst, and I’m only right this second beginning to think that perhaps this way of thinking has hindered my development. While that point is debateable (I’m arguing in my head right now) I at least know that it has stopped me from having the “I’m so great there’s no way I won’t make it” attitude I see quite a lot in life. Arrogance is not looked upon very well in today’s society with the exception of pro sports and movies. You need that self confidence, of course, but as with everything you need limits.
Again, I’m not depressed. I cannot stress this enough. I’m just a little bit scared of what the future holds. I can try as hard as I want and the cards might not fall my way. Time is only a concept but yet I already feel like it’s running out. And that’s WITHOUT being too philosophical about it. Of course it isn’t running out, I’ve still got (hopefully) another 50 + years left to mess about. Today’s society seems to be very youth focused but yet everyone asks for experience when you look for a job.
I have experience in a few different fields so I’m ready to face that side of things. But how will I cope if my dreams come true? Nobody knows, least of all me. And now that I’ve vented, I’m not even sure I care that much either way. Film has tons of career paths attached and I’m sure as long as I’m around it I’ll be happy. This of course leads me on to my next point. What makes us happy?
I kid, way too much rambling from me. Why? Like I said I’m feeling reflective while trying to find some way to look into the future. I’m dealing with subjects and feelings that are way beyond my grasp, and nothing I’ve said means anything in the long run. Perhaps life would be easier, or even much more certain, if I was religious? Perhaps not.
You know what, now that I’m this far in I realise I’m probably just doing this to avoid writing an essay. *sigh*
Movie mania...
So I did manage to watch some of the films I said I was going to check out. Short reviews so I can keep this on a lower word count because as I said last week, I have some longer articles I want to break out.
Gomorra
This is an Italian film from 2008 that focuses on multiple characters and how they are affected by the Camorra (a mafia like criminal organisation). A friend was kind enough to lend this to me recently and I was really quite excited to see it. Ever since I started watching the Wire I’ve been trying to find ways of logically creating my own gang (non-violent of course) and the whole criminal underworld thing is really interesting.
Two of my favourite foreign films are La Haine and City of God, both of which deal with crime and youth in their respective countries. Gomorra is very similar but I like the way it gets more of a variety in there. We follow a young boy and his best friend who join separate gangs, two crazy teenagers who are seemingly living just to die, a moneyman who feels compromised and a dress maker who goes against the Camorra to work for a Chinese factory owner.
All of the characters are interesting, and the acting would appear on the surface to be above standard. I found all of the information relevant and was astounded by some of the way this organisation makes its money such as buying land to use as dumping grounds etc. My only real problem here was the lack of a real ending. I felt very short changed at the end. There’s only a definite fate for two of the characters, while everyone else’s stories are left with far too ambiguous endings. In place of a satisfactory end for each character the movie finishes with some hardcore stats that, to me anyway, kind of ruined it. The message the film sent out was powerful enough without a bit of word art at the end saying basically everything we’d just seen in picture form.
With a more definite ending I would have come away happier but again another beautifully shot and powerful foreign film. Why Hollywood can’t produce this stuff consistently I don’t know.
The Wackness
As a Hip-Hop fan I’m pretty sure there’s no way I couldn’t like this movie. The sound track is that awesome. KRS-One, Nas, Wu Tang, I could go on and on there’s so many great songs.
Set in 1994 and based around the character of Luke Shapiro, we follow him as he finishes high school and prepares to go to college. Being socially inept, he has no real friends, and his only time to talk about his problems in life coming from his sessions with his psychiatrist Dr Squires. He sells weed out of his ice cream cart (Dr Squires charges him bags of weed) and has a deep, deep love for Hip-Hop. During his summer holiday he becomes friends with and falls in loves with Squires daughter in law Stephanie.
There’s a whole subplot to do with Dr Squires and his wife and how they have fallen out of love but it’s not why you should watch this movie. Ben Kingsley and Famke Janssen are both pretty good, as is Olivia Thirlby as Stephanie. But it’s Josh Peck as Luke Shapiro that makes this film really worth it. I really felt for his character, it’s easy to relate to him. His story and the friendship and relationship he forms with Squires and Stephanie are beautiful but real.
This mostly counts as a journey movie, people going from place to place and meeting interesting people who offer up their opinions and thoughts about life. This film reminded me of Waking Life and that is not a bad thing at all. A nice film with good characters and a strong story, it also has some really nice visuals throughout. You really feel the New York vibe. Pick it up.
And some even shorter ones...
Autopsy
This film is notable for one reason only, Robert Patrick is in it. Other than that it’s pretty stupid. A group of kids run over an escaped mental patient and help transport him to the hospital. Once at the hospital however everyone begins to disappear and it’s left up to one girl to find her friends and get out alive. It’s a stupid movie no doubt, but it is better than both the Crazy Eights and the Deaths of Ian Stone. The main chick is pretty hot, the twist at the end is at least well thought out and it has Robert Patrick playing basically The Terminator in a lab jacket.
Perkins' 14
This film was lame. The idea is actually pretty good, but it’s executed horribly. Characters are introduced and killed off too soon, storylines are left underdeveloped and I felt like towards the end they couldn’t decide if they wanted the killers to be superhuman or dumb slow zombie type figures. The decision to call this lame is a tricky one, as on the surface this film seems full of hardcore emotional moments and some full on action sequences. But a closer look reveals all the flaws I’ve mentioned. It’s like watching Heroes in movie form.
Box talk...
No TV again this week as I’m still waiting for seasons to finish. Most of them are too far in to casually discuss at length until they are finished. I do however need to say...
I finally enjoyed something about Heroes this week.
The last episode, “1961”, went back to 1961 (duh!) and finally showed us how the original company was first formed, like they said they were going to do two seasons ago. We finally learnt a lot more about Angela Petrelli, which has been needed for a while, and it was cool to see her sister, who has the power to control the weather. Perhaps even more amazing is that they didn’t kill her off at the end of the episode.
On a more negative note, well done Heroes for doing something we’ve been asking you to do for flipping ages now! And well played for managing to make all of the non-flashback stuff as boring as physically possible. There are only so many times I can watch the Petrelli clan talk about forgiveness and love. And how Claire has gone from wanting to be a badass superhero to complaining about wanting her old life back (where as far as I’m concerned, she was a superhero anyways).
Only two episodes left to change my mind...
So until next time...
*bows*
JOE
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