Cookie to those who know where that quote comes from…
Oh what a wonderful life…
This is really quite sad but at the moment there is practically nothing going on in my life that is interesting enough to talk about. I had a day off today and spent most of it doing nothing. Awful. So to make up for it I had to sit down and write this and whatever it turns into. Who am I making it up to? Who knows? But the good news is there is always movies to watch and always work to do, and keeping busy no matter how much of a drag is always good for the soul. “Idle hands are the devils playground” and all that jazz. Speaking of Jazz, I’ve started listen to music again (Not jazz, funnily enough) so if you’re lucky and well behaved before bedtime you might even get a music review every once in a while. Hope you like Hip-Hop…
To Clarify…
Let’s get a few things out of the way before we take this relationship any further…
Bad VS Bad – This is difficult to explain and relies on you the reader to be able to distinguish between something that is bad (enjoyable and full of potential) and bad (well made but ultimately boring and lacking in aspects). This is a huge difference, and usually most important when discussing the Horror genre. It’s one I love and know quite well, subjecting myself to both the mainstream (e.g. The Saw films) to the more indie, so bad they’re good, films like the British Freak Out. Like everything in life this comes down to taste and context, so if you read what I write and agree with some of my thoughts, you just need to be able to put what I’m saying into context. If I write a rave review and end it by saying “An awful movie, but…” then that’s Bad movie. And so on. Here’s an example…
This is an awesome film. Someone said to me the other day that Stuart Gordon’s undead film was awful. He actually sat there and said it right to my face. When I was trying to recommend it to someone else no less! Well he’s lying! Or at the very least we disagree on some issues. This film is the definition of a bad horror movie for me. It’s low budget, over the top and funny as hell. I’ll admit to a lack of scares, but I don’t think the film loses anything from it. It’s got some classic scenes such as the one featuring the undead cat being chased around a room. And Jeffrey Combs gives a Bruce Campbell-esque performance as Herbert West, the man who creates the serum to bring people back from the dead. The rest of the cast hold their own, and this film is millions of times better than the two sequels it spawned later on that are no where near as good as the original. Few horror films are in my opinion. I’d need to watch it again to give you a hardcore review as it’s been a while, but this comes recommended highly. Truly awesome, 4/5
I’m in no mood to review this film to a fuller extent. I haven’t seen it in like a year, only once since I took it out of the DVD case and slid it into the player. It was awful. Halle Berry, no matter how hot I think she is, is totally disengaging in this film. And that is important readers, because I’m exactly the kind of guy that gets swayed by good lucks and a few sultry glances. I just so don’t care about her, and because of that I didn’t really care about the story. Robert Downey Jr does his thing, but adds nothing to a horror film that is lacking in scares and…well, horror. No redeeming features, nothing to bring it back from the dead, no sodding rating. -5/5 if you must. Please don’t watch, thank you.
So now that that’s hopefully cleared up, lets move onto some short reviews of some stuff I’ve checked out recently…
I...AM...IRON-MAN!
Released in 1989 Tetsuo, the Japanese Cyberpunk film by cult-film director Shinya Tsukamoto, is a crazy film. It’s just over an hour long and that time flies by at an incredibly fast rate. The plot is a bit hard to keep up with, while it’s story is sort of lost in all the gory moments you’re faced with. The first scene sets the tone as we see a man shove a metal rod inside his leg before getting hit by a car. From what I could gather the rest of the film follows the man (Taguchi Tomorowo is actually awesome in this, fantastic physical actor) who was driving as he begins to find pieces of metal growing out of his body. This mutation gradually increases throughout the movie as we learn that the guy who got run over has come back from the dead for revenge via some serious metal violence/porn. The acting is totally over the top, the dialogue is minimal, the camera work is innovative and the ending is so over epic it almost ruined the rest of the film.
This movie is an experience, no doubt, but it wont be for everyone. And that’s a shame really, the film is amazing to look at, the special effects always look good and it’s got one hell of an intense soundtrack.
There’s a lot of metal love in this movie, complete with what can only be described as a drill-penis and a metal tube anal rape sequence. I can’t straight out say I enjoyed it, but I’m looking for the sequel so it’s definitely caught my eye. Intense, industrial but ultimately a difficult and uncomfortable watch…3/5
I watched this flick the other night and it’s left me torn down the middle. There’s a problem here, and it’s the fact I hate Darren Aronofsky. I liked Pi , which is a great film that I recommend to anyone who likes that whole conspiracy thing. But Pi suffers from the same things I usually complain about when it comes to Aronofsky, his edgy visual style covering what I feel to be pretty weak story telling skills. Both the films between that and this were in my opinion, very over-rated (Requiem for a Dream) and rightly panned (The Fountain).
So when it came to The Wrestler I went in thinking it was going to be the usual flashy crap, only to find it was the exact opposite. Aronofsky just lets the camera watch his star (Mickey Rourke as Randy Robinson) live out (I presume anyway) the last big moments of his life. The wrestling scenes are superb and painful, leaving me feeling very nostalgic. In general, this is a very good movie.
Like Tetsuo though, I just cant bring myself to say I liked it. I thought that Mickey Rourke was better as Marv in Sin City. The wrestling scenes are as I’ve just said “superb and painful”, but there isn’t really that many of them.
This is a movie lacking a clear beginning and ending. The fact that the only real back story we know comes from the fliers and posters on the wall of Randy’s dressing room at the beginning of the movie is quite clever, but it doesn’t give us much time to get to know the man we’re about to watch for two hours. It’s almost like a documentary, there’s the Randy the Ram before the movie who we know was very successful but didn’t get to see, there’s the Randy who’s life falls apart when he is unable to wrestle anymore after a heart attack and loses what little he has left when we meet him, and finally the Randy who may or not have lived on past the movie depending on how you perceived the ending.
You aren’t given someone to root for at the start, you follow a character who is awkward and has nothing without wrestling through the middle, and then see that character make a sacrifice at the end choosing wrestling over a ‘normal’ life. I saw the ending a few times to make sure I hadn’t missed something and came to the conclusion that in the end, it doesn’t matter the outcome of his final wrestling move, because he chose wrestling over the stripper (I thought she was a pretty boring subplot anyway) and may/may not have died doing what he loved.
I’m not sure how articulate I’m being but basically I felt like this film needed more. As it stands it is a strong character piece, detailing the fall of someone who used to have it all. But as controlled and honest a film as this is, I still hate Aronofsky and have lost complete faith in his story telling. No Oscar will save this from feeling incomplete in my mind, but you’ll enjoy it if you like Wrestling or powerful emotional drama’s.
If Aronofsky does end up doing the Robocop Remake, the world will burn…3/5
Danny McBride had pretty big roles in both Tropic Thunder & Pineapple Express, but this is absolutely his best and funniest performance in all three. He plays Fred Simmons, a Taekwondo expert who owns his own dojo and views himself as the cool kid of the martial arts scene. I didn’t realize it before now, but this movie is basically a light hearted comedy version of the Wrestler, complete with the Hollywood ending the latter was missing. We get to know Simmons, see how he lives and what he’s about. Then everything begins to disappear and we’re left to watch him struggle to keep both his dojo and the respect of his students. There’s some awesome fight scenes, a great final act and some really, really funny laugh out loud moments. I hope to see more of Danny McBride in the future, he’s an extremely cool guy and was probably my favorite thing about Pineapple Express. I don’t want to say too much about the film itself because I don’t believe in over-evaluating films that admit themselves to be not much more than a lengthened sketch scene, but this is a laugh out loud heartfelt film with a hero that’s very easy to root for. That in itself gets this a 4/5.
I wont waste your time trying to tell you how many ways in which The Spirit is an awful movie. I will take the time just to tell you that if anything this is Frank Miller having a case of “Tarantino Syndrome”. He’s had a few success’s in Hollywood and now believes he’s a movie making bad ass, and that whatever shit he makes the fans will shine it up and call it gold. Visually and as a comic book fan, I have no problem with Miller, he just chose a pretty rubbish comic and went all Sin City on it. No amount of hot semi naked women can save this film. Nor can Samuel L Jackson, who’s career seems to have taken the same turn as Nic Cage, both of whom seem to just be racking up the cheque's no matter how bad the movie. I suggest instead you get tucked up in bed, watch Sin City and pray that Robert Rodriguez doesn’t become interested in other projects and leave it in the hands of someone who just proved themselves to be a less than competent director. 1/5
Bill Goldberg as an evil Santa Claus who goes around killing people in horrific ways. He rides a “Hell Deer” which from what I can tell is a bull of some kind. Awful acting, great fun and a barrel of laughs. What more do you want from a bad horror movie. So I’m a month out, 4/5
TV is DEAD!
Okay, maybe not, but I’m still in my own personal TV hell at the moment. Lost is back, which is great (even with the low audience figures), but we’re only two episodes in, so I cant really tell you anything other than I enjoyed it. I’m trying to figure a better way to format these television reviews, but there isn’t much I watch on at the moment so it’s going to take a while. What will be coming soon though will be my review of Season One of The Wire. This is my third time through and I still cant recommend this enough. So fantastic. More on that soon, and I promise to try watching more good TV. If that’s even possible…
And finally…
I think my challenge this week is to compile together my top 10 film list. This is difficult and is constantly changing so should be quite a laugh. And I don’t care if you don’t care about my favorite films, in my world my opinion matters. If I believe and click my heals together then one day it will be more prestigious than the IMDB top 250 list. Which actually isn’t that prestigious. Oh well. I think that along with the list I’ll also throw together an in-depth (by my standards) review of the number 1 film, and some shorter reviews of the other 9. Or you might just get the top 10 list. It’s like Deal or No Deal, you just have no idea…
Until we meet again…
Joe